A Longstanding Moment of Pure Love from Elena Ornig
Peering narrowly in the labyrinth of my memories I can clearly see one longstanding moment of my life; the moment when I cried and smiled at the same time; the moment when I finally recognised and experienced pure love.
They say you will feel it inevitably when you experience the birth of your child. You will not miss it; you will recognise it unmistakably because it is so sublime, so deeply emotional and so mighty.
When the second day passed since the birth of my child, I was lost in the full bewilderment of what was wrong with me. Was this majestic feeling of pure love, unattainable to me?
The early morning sun confirmed the third day of my presence in the maternity ward. The always busy but very supportive nurse brought in my daughter for a scheduled breast feeding and stood next to my bed in case I needed assistance. I looked at my daughter’s innocent face and delicate body and listened to her inarticulate voice. I was still waiting for something to happen inside me but to my disappointment I felt nothing, absolutely nothing.
I turned away in disgust at my unshakable numbness of feeling for my own child and looked out window. I do not remember how it began but suddenly, an accumulation of hitherto inaccessible feelings began to fill my whole body with increasing speed, one by one and so fast that I could hardly comprehend it and process it in my mind.
I was totally overwhelmed by the sheer force of multiplying, deep emotions. I felt so many kinds of feelings at the same time. I felt tender, sincere, affectionate, graceful, kind, amused, proud, worthy, courageous, empathetic, ecstatic, enthusiastic and consoled; and who knows what else. I could only imagine that I was hit and swiped by a force equal to a tsunami because I had totally lost all sense of reality.
I was in nowhere land, who knows for how long but I was brought back to reality by the nurse who was shaking my shoulder and was intensely looking right in my face.
“Are you alright? Why are you crying? What is wrong?”
I was crying, I could feel warm streams of tears running down my face, uncontrollably but at the same time my face was melting into a huge smile. I probably looked totally stupid and crazy but I didn’t care a bit. I didn’t care about anything at that mighty moment because I recognised and realised the blessing of feeling pure love, was totally mine to experience and to enjoy.
I looked at my own miracle, that I can ever claim to be part of; at my own dear child and in tears with a big smile I said: “I love you…”
My warmest regards,
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