We all commonly believe – love exists.
“If you have love, you don’t need to have anything else” – Sir J. M. Barrie.
Does this quote really mean that love is everything? Well if it is, how do you define everything? In common understanding – all that exists; all that relates; all that is important. But if you look into it philosophically, it only implies that love has a ‘nature’ and if it’s true, it should be describable by language. Great! When it comes to describing it by language, a huge range of opinions arises, from ‘the love is hell’ to ‘the love is heaven’. Let’s look at this with simple reasoning. We all commonly believe that love exists. If it exists, then it is something. Maybe it is not everything, but it is certainly more than nothing! If something can be described but not explained, then it makes it even more attractive and more mysterious – and we are all into that for better or for worse.
The unity that love can bring to two people has been much heralded. Clearly, two people sharing the same goals and ambitions should achieve much whilst enjoying a happy, fulfilled and productive life. If love is a process, gaining definition and developing, then it will take time and undergo a progression in intensity; it is not an overnight event. The first “love” trigger – the initial attraction as a physical and emotional state – can be overwhelming, very difficult to resist, and very difficult to reason with. It exhibits itself in sensual desire and longing. Is it madness? Not at all, it’s the awakening of a desire for passionate pleasure. It’s beautiful. Two people enjoying each other. That is a good start for a future relationship – it only becomes painful when one is not interested in the future and breaks the opportunity to develop the next level of the relationship. But, this is not as tragic as some make it out to be. It is actually a true realisation of no further connection. You are not just different to each other – you’re moving in different directions, your minds are set on different goals, your own personal goals in your own future.
If you meet someone and an attraction occurs, you might help yourself by giving more time to get to know each other – as friends. How good is your companionship? If the second level gives you more pleasure than the first, then maybe there is something to explore in the future. If not, then it is time to say goodbye. Whilst this might be painful, it is less painful than going into the future together, buying a house, creating children together, entering into all sorts of financial, moral and legal commitments only to discover that each of you want a different future. That is not just painful, it is excruciating for both of you, and for any children involved; it affects everybody else around you. In any case, there is something to be happy about, the process didn’t leave you empty handed. It gave you a very valuable thing for years to come – experience.
Regardless of how good or bad it was you’ve now become somewhat of an authority on life. Fell in love? Married? He is your hero and you are his little darling. You are now in a committed relationship, aren’t you? You have it, but how do you keep it? What do you really know about each other’s character? Do you have common goals to look forward to or does each of you have your own? How do you know if both of you made the right choice? If both of you were meant to be together?
My warmest regards,
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